Wedding Story

That wedding dinner, everything seemed to go well until I arrived – I realized I wasn't on the guest list. Memory gap. I'm a friend of the bride, and I hadn't recalled that she asked me to choose whether I would attend the morning wedding rites and reception, or the dinner programme. It was too late since I didn't show up in the morning, and I had to think fast. Being overseas, I felt the stress. It happened that the wedding coordinator tried to arrange a seat for me. Despite our pleas he placed me at a table – away from my friends. I sat there, made friends with the guy next to me, and even begged the waiter standing there to try to transfer me with my friends – the answer was SORRY, NO. After about 10 minutes the coordinator came to me again and said, “You are being transferred.” I was moved to the table with my friends, and enjoyed the rest of the evening. Then I remembered God's grace. It's not because of our efforts – we've been invited and adopted into His family because He chose to do it. And one day, we will be at His wedding.

"Therefore, as [the] elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering;" - Colossians 3:12

Good Leg, Bad Leg

During my last trip to Guimaras, I was privileged to meet a man who had been the patient of my friend who was with me. My friend is a former physical therapist, and he had been rehabilitating the man's left leg that broke. I listened as they talked to each other about how the cane should not be used on the left part of the body where the bad leg was, with the left hand holding it. Instead, the cane should be held on the right side of the body where the good leg was, with the right hand holding it. People wonder why the cane should not just support the bad leg by being used on the same side. But the logic is simple: Strengthen the good leg, and it will have enough strength to carry the bad leg.

Instantly, God spoke to my spirit as I had that insight. And my heart's desire as a servant of this church is to strengthen the good leg. God has not called me to be an evangelist, but to be an encourager and an exhorter for the body of Christ. And as God strengthens the local assembly, it will be more equipped to the work of reaching out to others(“bad leg”) for Christ. May you strengthen a good leg today.

“...speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head--Christ--from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.” - Ephesians 4:15-16

Shibuya Video

Hey well while we were in Shibuya....this is how many people were here! It was cool. Remeber that this was "Golden Week", the busiest time in Japan to travel, and mostly everyone is off on break from work. It was pretty sweet!

Truth time.

I stood in the middle of a field and called out to God, I called out aloud in a desperate bid for an answer. And I got nothing. I got no reply, no comfort in my heart. Nothing. I sunk to my knees in tears as the sleet came from the sky in droves.

I had lost my faith.

Over the past month I don't know if I've believed in God. At one point I was so close, far too close to walking away from everything I've known for the past four years of my life.
I know it all to be true, I believe in Jesus, I believe Him. However, I was so weary, so very weary of trying constantly to keep my head above the water, keep paddling gasping for breath. Honestly, I was sick of the silence that God was answering my cries with.
I talked to a lot of people, all of them giving me honest answers. Answers that i would give to one of my friends if they were going through a similar thing. "Trust in God", "Have faith that He'll speak in the end", He's just testing your faith", "God is always good, you know He has a reason behind this"...the answered followed this pattern. They were text book answers. I wanted something that i could hold onto, something that came from Him.
I cried myself to sleep many nights.

My frustrations increased as I continued to read the Bible, go to church, and talk to God.
But I seemed to grow further and further away despite my heart wanting Jesus so much. I behaved as I would if the faith was there. Hoping that it would return. That the faith which had brought me from a self harming, self hating, teen to the woman I am today would play a part in my life once again.

I'm not going to pretend that this couldn't have gone either way.
Not for one second do I believe that I have more faith than many who have walked away in the past.. My heart ached those nights falling asleep with a soaked pillow, I envied the simplicity of their lives, now that they didn't pray to an unseen deity, they didn't have that heart sinking feeling when He didn't answer. I envied "the wicked" as in psalm 73.

One of my friends said to me on Tuesday, "Jessy, you're asking God to prove Himself to you. Do you realise how arrogant that is? He has nothing to prove to you."
As I thought about what she had said to me I knew that she was right.
[When I first became a Christian, the first verse I believe that God spoke to me, before I knew scripture whatsoever was from Deuteronomy, “you shall not put the Lord your God to the test.” Since that point, I've tried to live by faith, just on the premise that God told me not to test Him that first day of my real life.
Somewhere I had lost that.]

Still though, I held onto my grudge against God, and against His silence, His waiting, His holding back. I was both heart broken and angry with the situation.

Last night I prayed that God would speak to me, that He would let this winter season of my life be over, the whole time in the back of my mind threatening, if You don't I'm leaving.
This morning, I prayed and read my Bible, not really coming to it with the reverence or expectancy that I ought to have with the word of God. I read something in Ezekiel which stirred up emotion inside of my heart, but I put this down to longing and nothing more.
I got along with my day. When I got around to checking my emails, this was in my inbox.

The Summer Will Come

"Therefore will the Lord wait, that he may be gracious unto you" (Isa. 30:18).

Where showers fall most, there the grass is greenest. I suppose the fogs and mists of Ireland make it "the Emerald Isle"; and whenever you find great fogs of trouble, and mists of sorrow, you always find emerald green hearts; full of the beautiful verdure of the comfort and love of God.
O Christian, do not thou be saying, "Where are the swallows gone? They are gone; they are dead." They are not dead; they have skimmed the purple sea, and gone to a far-off land; but they will be back again by and by. Child of God, say not the flowers are dead; say not the winter has killed them, and they are gone. Ah, no! though winter hath coated them with the ermine of its snow; they will put up their heads again, and will be alive very soon. Say not, child of God, that the sun is quenched, because the cloud hath hidden it. Ah, no; he is behind there, brewing summer for thee; for when he cometh out again, he will have made the clouds fit to drop in April showers, all of them mothers of the sweet May flowers. And oh! above all, when thy God hides His face, say not that He hath forgotten thee. He is but tarrying a little while to make thee love Him better; and when He cometh, thou shalt have joy in the Lord, and shalt rejoice with joy unspeakable. Waiting exercises our grace; waiting tries our faith; therefore, wait on in hope; for though the promise tarry, it can never come too late. --C. H. Spurgeon

I write this with a new heart, a heart that still is in pain. Now...now i know that God hasn't forgotten me, He isn't ignoring me. I find that the advice my friends were giving is true. He hasn't cast me off, but He has a plan in this silence. I am called to trust Him, just as much in the dark and dry spells as I am in the times of my life which are laced in beauty.
And I know that I will hear a whisper in my ear telling me, "this is the way, walk this path".

I can now cry out with the psalmist. "Whom have I in heaven but You? There is none on earth that I desire but You. My flesh and heart fail. They fail so much and so, so painfully, but You are my portion and my strength."

(I posted this on my xanga, and I got a few messages telling me that this encouraged them as it was something that they had recently gone through too, so i decided to post it here)

The Source of (my) Strength

Before I went to Manila to take a break from work and regular ministry activities, I prayed that God would really speak to me and show me direction in my life for the present time.

A few things came up as I was listening to the Lord for His directions. And these I want to share with you.

1. Humility precedes honor (Proverbs 15:33)

In order for God to move us to where He eventually wants us to be, we must be faithful where we are. And that means doing the work that He has for us now, even when circumstances are unpleasant. It means not trying to insist on our own rights and trying to change our circumstances to suit our comfort and preferences, but to simply keep doing our work faithfully as unto the Lord. And in His own time, God will lift us up as we humble ourselves under His mighty hand, trusting Him. Remember, God is in control of even the "bad" times. And within our limitations and weaknesses, let us wield the powerful weapon of prayer.

2. Give the little that we have (John 6:1-14)

Jesus is able to multiply our resources to bless others, but first we must let Him have those resources. Let us use our talents and abilities to serve the Lord and He will do the multiplication.

3. Respond to His grace (Romans 12:1-3)

Let us always keep our salvation and first love foremost in our thoughts. Fixing our eyes on Jesus and how He has saved us from death, hell, and the grave allows us to respond to that grace in our service for the Lord. For all God has done in calling us His own and blessing us with every spiritual blessing, is it too much a sacrifice to serve and obey Him? Not a chance! This is the source of strength for our service to the Lord. We will not be weighed down by a sense of obligation when we serve the Lord as a response to His grace. Oh, the wonderful grace of Jesus. Grace, grace. Wait for His grace to fall like rain everyday. May it be your strength and power as you walk with Him. He has saved us by grace -- now let us live by His grace.

I agree with the apostle Paul and John Newton, and I can say this of my own life, in my own words:

Of sinners I am the worst,
but Jesus died for me.
I do not deserve His grace and love,
but Jesus died for me.
I deserved hell and death,
but Jesus died for me.
I do not deserve heaven,
but Jesus died for me.

And in His death and resurrection I have a new life, and an eternal hope in heaven. Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! I have this as an anchor to my soul through every storm in life.

Hearing Aid

As I was buying medicine, I asked for the price of a gentian violet. I thought I heard the pharmacist say “forty” (and then some) so I was calculating in my mind the total price I was going to pay since I was also buying vitamins. It was pretty high. When I was given my change, to my relief, she actually said “fourteen.”

Sometimes our hearing can be the root of our problems. We don’t listen very well, and we miss out on things. Even when we try to listen to God, maybe we only hear half of what He’s saying or not hear Him right at all. May the Lord unplug our ears from any clutter and may we be still and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10). That way we can hear what He is saying by His Spirit (Revelation 2:7).

“For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.”

- Romans 8:14

M & N

Today, I met two fellow Christians, both younger than me.

The first one was someone who I haven't seen in a long time -- I'd like to call him Marv. I met Marv when I was coming out of the mall after work. Marv serves the Lord as a worshipper, youth leader, and a preacher. I admire his passion for the Lord as well as his energy. He even works at a call center on night shift. The last time I lived like he did I ended up having Mild Leukopenia, but I eventually recovered from it. But God has blessed Marv with good health -- His ways are higher. I may never understand every question in life of why things happen the way they do but I rest on God's sovereignty. Marv is a pentecostal and he is on fire for the Lord. We exchanged cellphone numbers and parted ways. He's interested in coming to our midweek service soon and misses listening to Vineyard songs, since his church plays mainly Hillsongs only.


Afterwards, I went to my home church to prepare worship songs for our 6th year church anniversary. There was my pastor and he told me one of the girls in our church wanted to help. I'd like to call her Nic. Nic is an English major college student and has been coming to our church for a while now. She steps up to serve as a percussionist -- and what a percussionist! She learns the beat for every song so fast before you can say MJ. I'm blessed by her willing to help us with the music ministry.

I am blessed to see young people serving the Lord. I feel like I have been chosen by God to stand between the older and the younger generation. I'm 27 now and I'm somewhere between those who have the energy to serve the Lord fervently, but could use the wisdom of those of us who have more life experience with the Lord, and those who are way ahead of me in years and I look up to them for counsel and see their life persevering for the Lord as an example for my own walk.

CALLING ALL RADICALS... It's time to take this generation for Jesus! Are you up to it? If you are, join me. No, I'm not talking about another concert, though we could do that. I'm talking about being so aware of Jesus in your daily life that not only are you blessed and happy, but you're encouraging those around you to look to you for insight and direction in their spiritual walk. May God fill your life with His presence to overflow to a lost and dying generation. His kingdom come, His will be done on earth as it is in heaven.


M & N, may God bless them and young people like them.