as iron on iron

Wedding Story

2010-06-14T08:48:00.001-07:00

That wedding dinner, everything seemed to go well until I arrived – I realized I wasn't on the guest list. Memory gap. I'm a friend of the bride, and I hadn't recalled that she asked me to choose whether I would attend the morning wedding rites and reception, or the dinner programme. It was too late since I didn't show up in the morning, and I had to think fast. Being overseas, I felt the stress. It happened that the wedding coordinator tried to arrange a seat for me. Despite our pleas he placed me at a table – away from my friends. I sat there, made friends with the guy next to me, and even begged the waiter standing there to try to transfer me with my friends – the answer was SORRY, NO. After about 10 minutes the coordinator came to me again and said, “You are being transferred.” I was moved to the table with my friends, and enjoyed the rest of the evening. Then I remembered God's grace. It's not because of our efforts – we've been invited and adopted into His family because He chose to do it. And one day, we will be at His wedding.

"Therefore, as [the] elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering;" - Colossians 3:12

Good Leg, Bad Leg

2008-05-12T17:43:00.000-07:00

During my last trip to Guimaras, I was privileged to meet a man who had been the patient of my friend who was with me. My friend is a former physical therapist, and he had been rehabilitating the man's left leg that broke. I listened as they talked to each other about how the cane should not be used on the left part of the body where the bad leg was, with the left hand holding it. Instead, the cane should be held on the right side of the body where the good leg was, with the right hand holding it. People wonder why the cane should not just support the bad leg by being used on the same side. But the logic is simple: Strengthen the good leg, and it will have enough strength to carry the bad leg.

Instantly, God spoke to my spirit as I had that insight. And my heart's desire as a servant of this church is to strengthen the good leg. God has not called me to be an evangelist, but to be an encourager and an exhorter for the body of Christ. And as God strengthens the local assembly, it will be more equipped to the work of reaching out to others(“bad leg”) for Christ. May you strengthen a good leg today.

“...speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head--Christ--from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.” - Ephesians 4:15-16

Shibuya Video

2008-05-10T21:22:00.000-07:00

Hey well while we were in Shibuya....this is how many people were here! It was cool. Remeber that this was "Golden Week", the busiest time in Japan to travel, and mostly everyone is off on break from work. It was pretty sweet!

2008-04-11T04:40:00.000-07:00

Truth time.

I stood in the middle of a field and called out to God, I called out aloud in a desperate bid for an answer. And I got nothing. I got no reply, no comfort in my heart. Nothing. I sunk to my knees in tears as the sleet came from the sky in droves.

I had lost my faith.

Over the past month I don't know if I've believed in God. At one point I was so close, far too close to walking away from everything I've known for the past four years of my life.
I know it all to be true, I believe in Jesus, I believe Him. However, I was so weary, so very weary of trying constantly to keep my head above the water, keep paddling gasping for breath. Honestly, I was sick of the silence that God was answering my cries with.
I talked to a lot of people, all of them giving me honest answers. Answers that i would give to one of my friends if they were going through a similar thing. "Trust in God", "Have faith that He'll speak in the end", He's just testing your faith", "God is always good, you know He has a reason behind this"...the answered followed this pattern. They were text book answers. I wanted something that i could hold onto, something that came from Him.
I cried myself to sleep many nights.

My frustrations increased as I continued to read the Bible, go to church, and talk to God.
But I seemed to grow further and further away despite my heart wanting Jesus so much. I behaved as I would if the faith was there. Hoping that it would return. That the faith which had brought me from a self harming, self hating, teen to the woman I am today would play a part in my life once again.

I'm not going to pretend that this couldn't have gone either way.
Not for one second do I believe that I have more faith than many who have walked away in the past.. My heart ached those nights falling asleep with a soaked pillow, I envied the simplicity of their lives, now that they didn't pray to an unseen deity, they didn't have that heart sinking feeling when He didn't answer. I envied "the wicked" as in psalm 73.

One of my friends said to me on Tuesday, "Jessy, you're asking God to prove Himself to you. Do you realise how arrogant that is? He has nothing to prove to you."
As I thought about what she had said to me I knew that she was right.
[When I first became a Christian, the first verse I believe that God spoke to me, before I knew scripture whatsoever was from Deuteronomy, “you shall not put the Lord your God to the test.” Since that point, I've tried to live by faith, just on the premise that God told me not to test Him that first day of my real life.
Somewhere I had lost that.]

Still though, I held onto my grudge against God, and against His silence, His waiting, His holding back. I was both heart broken and angry with the situation.

Last night I prayed that God would speak to me, that He would let this winter season of my life be over, the whole time in the back of my mind threatening, if You don't I'm leaving.
This morning, I prayed and read my Bible, not really coming to it with the reverence or expectancy that I ought to have with the word of God. I read something in Ezekiel which stirred up emotion inside of my heart, but I put this down to longing and nothing more.
I got along with my day. When I got around to checking my emails, this was in my inbox.

The Summer Will Come

"Therefore will the Lord wait, that he may be gracious unto you" (Isa. 30:18).

Where showers fall most, there the grass is greenest. I suppose the fogs and mists of Ireland make it "the Emerald Isle"; and whenever you find great fogs of trouble, and mists of sorrow, you always find emerald green hearts; full of the beautiful verdure of the comfort and love of God.
O Christian, do not thou be saying, "Where are the swallows gone? They are gone; they are dead." They are not dead; they have skimmed the purple sea, and gone to a far-off land; but they will be back again by and by. Child of God, say not the flowers are dead; say not the winter has killed them, and they are gone. Ah, no! though winter hath coated them with the ermine of its snow; they will put up their heads again, and will be alive very soon. Say not, child of God, that the sun is quenched, because the cloud hath hidden it. Ah, no; he is behind there, brewing summer for thee; for when he cometh out again, he will have made the clouds fit to drop in April showers, all of them mothers of the sweet May flowers. And oh! above all, when thy God hides His face, say not that He hath forgotten thee. He is but tarrying a little while to make thee love Him better; and when He cometh, thou shalt have joy in the Lord, and shalt rejoice with joy unspeakable. Waiting exercises our grace; waiting tries our faith; therefore, wait on in hope; for though the promise tarry, it can never come too late. --C. H. Spurgeon

I write this with a new heart, a heart that still is in pain. Now...now i know that God hasn't forgotten me, He isn't ignoring me. I find that the advice my friends were giving is true. He hasn't cast me off, but He has a plan in this silence. I am called to trust Him, just as much in the dark and dry spells as I am in the times of my life which are laced in beauty.
And I know that I will hear a whisper in my ear telling me, "this is the way, walk this path".

I can now cry out with the psalmist. "Whom have I in heaven but You? There is none on earth that I desire but You. My flesh and heart fail. They fail so much and so, so painfully, but You are my portion and my strength."

(I posted this on my xanga, and I got a few messages telling me that this encouraged them as it was something that they had recently gone through too, so i decided to post it here)

The Source of (my) Strength

2008-02-05T07:56:00.000-08:00

Before I went to Manila to take a break from work and regular ministry activities, I prayed that God would really speak to me and show me direction in my life for the present time.

A few things came up as I was listening to the Lord for His directions. And these I want to share with you.

1. Humility precedes honor (Proverbs 15:33)

In order for God to move us to where He eventually wants us to be, we must be faithful where we are. And that means doing the work that He has for us now, even when circumstances are unpleasant. It means not trying to insist on our own rights and trying to change our circumstances to suit our comfort and preferences, but to simply keep doing our work faithfully as unto the Lord. And in His own time, God will lift us up as we humble ourselves under His mighty hand, trusting Him. Remember, God is in control of even the "bad" times. And within our limitations and weaknesses, let us wield the powerful weapon of prayer.

2. Give the little that we have (John 6:1-14)

Jesus is able to multiply our resources to bless others, but first we must let Him have those resources. Let us use our talents and abilities to serve the Lord and He will do the multiplication.

3. Respond to His grace (Romans 12:1-3)

Let us always keep our salvation and first love foremost in our thoughts. Fixing our eyes on Jesus and how He has saved us from death, hell, and the grave allows us to respond to that grace in our service for the Lord. For all God has done in calling us His own and blessing us with every spiritual blessing, is it too much a sacrifice to serve and obey Him? Not a chance! This is the source of strength for our service to the Lord. We will not be weighed down by a sense of obligation when we serve the Lord as a response to His grace. Oh, the wonderful grace of Jesus. Grace, grace. Wait for His grace to fall like rain everyday. May it be your strength and power as you walk with Him. He has saved us by grace -- now let us live by His grace.

I agree with the apostle Paul and John Newton, and I can say this of my own life, in my own words:

Of sinners I am the worst,
but Jesus died for me.
I do not deserve His grace and love,
but Jesus died for me.
I deserved hell and death,
but Jesus died for me.
I do not deserve heaven,
but Jesus died for me.

And in His death and resurrection I have a new life, and an eternal hope in heaven. Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! I have this as an anchor to my soul through every storm in life.

Hearing Aid

2008-02-05T07:37:00.000-08:00

As I was buying medicine, I asked for the price of a gentian violet. I thought I heard the pharmacist say “forty” (and then some) so I was calculating in my mind the total price I was going to pay since I was also buying vitamins. It was pretty high. When I was given my change, to my relief, she actually said “fourteen.”

Sometimes our hearing can be the root of our problems. We don’t listen very well, and we miss out on things. Even when we try to listen to God, maybe we only hear half of what He’s saying or not hear Him right at all. May the Lord unplug our ears from any clutter and may we be still and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10). That way we can hear what He is saying by His Spirit (Revelation 2:7).

“For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.”

- Romans 8:14

M & N

2008-01-24T07:16:00.000-08:00

Today, I met two fellow Christians, both younger than me.

The first one was someone who I haven't seen in a long time -- I'd like to call him Marv. I met Marv when I was coming out of the mall after work. Marv serves the Lord as a worshipper, youth leader, and a preacher. I admire his passion for the Lord as well as his energy. He even works at a call center on night shift. The last time I lived like he did I ended up having Mild Leukopenia, but I eventually recovered from it. But God has blessed Marv with good health -- His ways are higher. I may never understand every question in life of why things happen the way they do but I rest on God's sovereignty. Marv is a pentecostal and he is on fire for the Lord. We exchanged cellphone numbers and parted ways. He's interested in coming to our midweek service soon and misses listening to Vineyard songs, since his church plays mainly Hillsongs only.

Afterwards, I went to my home church to prepare worship songs for our 6th year church anniversary. There was my pastor and he told me one of the girls in our church wanted to help. I'd like to call her Nic. Nic is an English major college student and has been coming to our church for a while now. She steps up to serve as a percussionist -- and what a percussionist! She learns the beat for every song so fast before you can say MJ. I'm blessed by her willing to help us with the music ministry.

I am blessed to see young people serving the Lord. I feel like I have been chosen by God to stand between the older and the younger generation. I'm 27 now and I'm somewhere between those who have the energy to serve the Lord fervently, but could use the wisdom of those of us who have more life experience with the Lord, and those who are way ahead of me in years and I look up to them for counsel and see their life persevering for the Lord as an example for my own walk.

CALLING ALL RADICALS... It's time to take this generation for Jesus! Are you up to it? If you are, join me. No, I'm not talking about another concert, though we could do that. I'm talking about being so aware of Jesus in your daily life that not only are you blessed and happy, but you're encouraging those around you to look to you for insight and direction in their spiritual walk. May God fill your life with His presence to overflow to a lost and dying generation. His kingdom come, His will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

M & N, may God bless them and young people like them.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

2008-01-22T21:00:00.000-08:00

Hair today, gone tomorrow. Yesterday I had my hair shortened after more than two years of wearing it long. It takes a while to get used to. Such is the characteristic of seasons in our lives. Things constantly change, and what was once the present is now the past. As Christians, we have to move on. We cannot stay in the exact same situation we were in last year, or even in yesterday. Each day is a gift from God, and He desires that our path shine brighter as we walk with Him.

Seek the Lord's will for your life today. Let Him put His desires for your life into your heart as you soak in His presence. God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. Hats off to the past, coats off to the future!

“...'It is a good land which the LORD our God is giving us.'” - Deuteronomy 1:25

Bitterness...kill it!

2007-11-07T22:16:00.000-08:00

Bitterness. This is one thing I have a problem with. It doesnt harm anyone else but yourself.
It's amazing what bitterness can do to me. A human mind is very interesting. More than thinking of good things, it tends to think of the worse. The next second you know, you're just depressed, sad...for pretty much no reason at times. Why can't I just be cheerful to know that there is a God who cares and loves than no one else could ever do? I guess this is part of the human flesh. A constant fight with the flesh.

Every time I sit and think of the things that goes around my head, I am reminded of this verse.

"The heart is deceitful ablove all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?"

Jeremiah 17:9

I hate it...I pray for a pure heart, pure mind, and a pure love for others.
But God, I need your help...

Burning out

2007-10-29T05:43:00.000-07:00

Sure, we can do all things...
but in the end...
we need help.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Yet it was kind of you to share my trouble"
Philippains 4:13-14

Baggages

2007-10-26T20:09:00.000-07:00

During our recent trip to Cebu for the pastors and workers' conference, going back to Iloilo was a learning experience for me. As we went to the pier to get aboard the ship going to Iloilo, security had to inspect all our things for deadly weapons. As I was passing through the metal detector, it kept beeping on me! The guard won't let me pass through until there was no more beep. So I had to remove my cellphone...then my coins and keys...lastly, my belt that had a metal buckle. Finally, the detector went silent after I removed all the metal objects attached to me. The lesson: Don't carry too much metal on my next trip.

Sometimes in our walk with the Lord we carry too much extra baggage. This can come in different forms like bad habits, bitterness, or anxiety. But it can also come in good packaging such as activities that don't really help us stay focused on God's call upon our lives. Sometimes good things become the enemies of the best things that God has for us. Let's seek the Lord for His perfect will for our lives and lay down anything that can hinder us from running our race.

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us” - Hebrews 12:1

RJ
Iloilo City, Philippines

A little frustration.....

2007-10-18T06:23:00.000-07:00

Maturity is, I think, one of the hardest things to yield to. We get comfortable as people with our friends and family, but then that is what makes us loosen up our guard on maybe things we say, or being lax about something we might expect from them without asking. We are thoughtful and polite to new people, but are extremely thoughtless and even tactless to people we come in contact with daily. What a horrible thing we war against, whether it be from Satan or just our plain old flesh. We get hurt so many times by insensitive comments, but then we shoot back imprudently just to avoid them noticing how they had cut us. Our words truly are as sharp as a sword, and like James 1:19 and verse 26, we should be more prayerful in our words towards others. "A soft word turns away wrath." I sometimes despise this verse, because it takes a complete humbleness of my pride to obey this one note of wisdom from the Lord. Help! But this frustration will pass, and maybe the next time will be easier, because it is slowly building my maturity.

Instability

2007-10-11T23:55:00.000-07:00

Driving home after one class, stressed...I sit in the car driving just seeking God because I know that I can't do it on my own. Things rush through my head, tears watering my eyes but never falls down my cheeks because the act of being "strong" or perhaps pride will not allow it even when no one is around.
Frustrated within myself, I look for ways to encourage myself to keep me going...
and it always end up being reminded of God's promises for us.

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you;

He shall never permit the righteous to be moved." Psalm 55:22

"For with God nothing will be impossible." Luke 1:37

He always gives me little drops of blessings that keeps me going. He sustains me...

I don't know where I am being led to, but this things that He has started in me leads to something unexpected. I can't quit...I have to keep pressing on.

"I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:14

October 11, 2006

2007-10-11T12:42:00.000-07:00

10-11-06: This date is written next to three different verses in every B1BL3 I own. (All two of them.) I can remember it so clearly. If you will, please follow me back in time to October 11, 2006.

It was just like any other night I spent in Japan: busy. Something inside me felt different though. I needed to get away for a little bit. It was actually against the rules for me to leave the house this late at night. We had just gotten back from some meeting at the Koinonia Café and curfew was closing in quick.

I snuck out anyway.

I walked to the little park close by (which is now a huge park) to get alone and think. No one in sight, it was just me. Just me: an adopted child crying out to his Dad about an uncertain future. "Do you want me in China? I don’t even like China!"

On my knees in the shadows of playground equipment with the Book in front of me, I decide to strike a deal. I’m not much on making deals with God. But I think if you will seriously act out on them that He will speak to you. So I said if He gave me three verses that specifically spoke to me about China I would go, no questions asked.

(I should point out that I had been thinking about how the government churches in China are not allowed to talk about the resurrection.)

Open the book, Mark 16: all about the resurrection. Underline it, first verse.

I really like Japan. I don’t really want to go to China.

I flip over a little bit, 1 Corinthians 2:2.
“For I determined not to know anything among you except JC and Him crucified.”
Underline it, second verse.

Oh man, I’m stuck now.

Flip down a little farther to have Ephesians 5:14 jump up and kick the wind out of me.
“Awake, you who sleep,
Arise from the dead,
And C will give you light.”

Relief pours over me like a flood. I know what I have to do. I still don’t really like it, but at least there is no more inner conflict. No longer a battle between my flesh and His Spirit. Underline it, third verse.

It’s nearly 1:30 now. Tom would kill me if he knew. My legs are asleep and it takes me nearly 10 minutes to be able to walk. I get back to my room around 2 ‘o clock and sleep.

I have never slept better in my life than I did that night.

Jump forward a year and now I’m living where those three verses sent me. I could never ask for more.

Doing exactly what He wants, even if you don’t think you will like it, will bring a constant joy that nothing else can come close to. Every time I almost get ran over by a bus, every time I get stared at and called a foreigner, every time my student's eyes light up because they finally understand the difference between past perfect and past continuous, every time I play guitar and hear Him harmonizing with me, every whisper in my heart to lift my spirit, every glance over His shoulder to make sure I’m following, every tear fallen in prayer, every “I love you,” all these things remind me of different promises He has given me.

Given us.

Act on what He says, it will set you free.

Blessings

2007-10-10T23:15:00.000-07:00

How often do we rob Him from blessings us? It might sound weird " rob God from blessing us?"
To think about it, God has blessed me so much to a point I don't understand why He does so.
But I was reading in Deuteronomy towards the end of chapter 32. Moses is taken up this mountain where he can overlook the promise land that God has promised the Israelities, but Moses is told that he cannot enter into the promise land because of this one time (I'm sure he disobeyed more than once but) he didn't seek God and took action to smite the rock so that the water will gush out. He is told that he will "die on the mountain" and that he will not be able to enter the promise land. Later on in Deuteronomy 32:10 it is written that "since then there has not arisen in Israel a prophet like Moses, whom the Lord knew face to face."

I don' know if I am getting the point across here, but God wanted to bless Moses even more. Though Moses was an awesome prophet, he seeked the Lord and obeyed the Lord, but when he fell to seek the Lord this one time, it hindered him from entering to the promise land.

I think it is the same for us. He always blesses us even when we fail to completely obey Him, and I think this is because through His grace and love for us. But imagine how much more He wants to bless us? He desires for our whole committment to Him. To seek Him in everything we do. Can you imagine what more He has for us after ALL that He has done for us?

These passed two weeks...

2007-10-10T09:40:00.000-07:00

So these passed two weeks have been insane! Last Wednesday I was driving home from an awesome day at school and i got stuck behind a bus, so of course I had to stop. Well, as i am stopped I realize that there is a wreck on my left, and I probably won't be going anywhere for a minute or two so i just chill. Then, my chai spills all over my lap, my Air Conditioner thermometer hits me in the face, my seatbelt smashes against my chest, and I hit my head on the headrest. The lady behind me was rubber necking the cop helping the other wreck, and hit me going 50 mph. Needless to say, my car (named Harold :]) is smashed in, and I am very shaky, but not hurt. Neither was the lady. She was actually very nice and admitted fault to the accident. But... That doesn't fix my car! I've been without a car for a week and having to use my sister's car or my dad's car which is just another inconvenience for them! I might add that my job was only slightly understanding about the accident, which only made me want to quit more! (I've been trying to quit for a month, but haven't had the courage). So I start looking for a car and a new job the next day, and nothing seems remotely promising, I even fought with my mom a little about it! But two days ago, my dad and i came across the perfect car, and bought it for much less than i expected to spend on half as nice a car as that. also, my old manager from Old Navy called me the other day and offered me a job at Academy Sporting Goods, which is ANOTHER huge blessing! I've just been thanking HIM for all of this! Hooray! He is good, and will never let something horrible like a car wreck happen, and then not take care of us afterwards!

This has been huge for me. Hope it encouraged you some too! :)

UseLESs rUsH

2007-10-08T09:19:00.001-07:00

"See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil." - Ephesians 5:15-16

Recently, I had to rush some errands for my office and I didn't have a lot of time in my hands since I decided to do it on my lunch break. I had to go to the mall to buy lunch, get a staple gun, swing to the other office to drop some supplies, pick up the laptop the company issued me, and go back to my office. All this has to happen in one hour.

12:00:01...12:00:02...12:00:03...12:00:04...

The following occurs between 12:00 P.M. and 1:00 P.M.

Preparing to rush out the door, I picked up the plastic bag that I thought were the supplies I needed to deliver. I got to the mall parking lot and I took a good look at the bag -- it was the wrong one, since I picked up the plastic bag containing the trash instead! I then had to go to plan B.

12:59:57...12:59:58...12:59:59...01:00:00

In the world we live in today, things are rushing. Even on this remote island in the Philippines were I live in, things are already starting to be fast-paced. Life just keeps demanding, doesn't it? Still, we are called to be wise people. We Christians live by a higher standard and we live by faith. No matter what happens, let's take time to wait on the Lord, to pray over things, and to make decisions based on a Biblical world view, and not the view the world tries to plunge down our throats.

RJ
Iloilo City, Philippines

Understanding

2007-10-06T21:54:00.000-07:00

"What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this."
-John 13:7

It's remarkable how little we actually know about the present. It's so easy to articulate exactly how we were feeling last week or last year. We can tell someone why we were upset, but we can't often tell them why we are upset.
(Maybe I'm the only one with that problem. I'm sure you can perfectly articulate yourself every time you want to express a deep spiritual truth that is taking place in your life at this moment…)

I've heard people say they are going through something that is teaching them patience. Only when it's over they talk about how much humility they learned. They had no idea that humility was being worked into them.

It's not often that we are willing to admit that we have no clue what is happening in our spirit. Sure we will admit it to Him, it's not as if we can hide it from Him anyway. To tell our friends - our like-minded cohorts - that we don't know (or even that we doubt) might be inviting attack from the side that ought to help. We might be accused of a lack of fervency in our prayers or we might be told that we are not reading enough.

I’ve learned not to be afraid of not understanding. I need to understand everything. That has been what held me back more than anything. I thought I knew what was going on and s a result of my assumption I held back what He was able to do in me. Right now I have no idea what He's doing, but I know it's something. That's all I need to know. Not understanding His something is far better than my assumption.

Ask me next year what He did this year.